Retreat, But Don't Surrender

The kids let me take a few pics on the porch and in the front yard yesterday. This is what happens when I say, “Can mama take a picture of you on the porch? You can have a piece of candy!” Then they do whatever I say for about 2 minutes. Pretty sweet deal… ;) I recognize, though, that this is a power that I must not abuse. :) I did manage to capture Elliott as well in a photo that I’ll be using for an upcoming project, and therefore can’t share yet - but it’s one of those rare ones that make you gasp and put your hand over your mouth, and you just sit there with tears in your eyes wondering how life got so beautiful and how can you possibly have been a part of this magic? You know those photos? I got one of those yesterday. I maybe have a dozen of those, out of thousands of okay-to-mediocre-and-sometimes-really-good shots I’ve taken in the past 3 years since I started scrapping. And every now and then, wham. Pure magic.

This one is not-quite-as-magical-but-still-my-two-kids-sitting-together, which is a kind of magic in and of itself: 

I’ve been in one of those Ultra Busy Times with projects that a) sap all my time and b) sap all my desire to be on my computer one minute longer than necessary before flopping into bed at an obscene hour (obscene around here = anytime after 1:30 a.m.) every night for the past 2 weeks. I apologize for the real lapse in bloggery here. I’m looking forward to oh, October-ish. September’s pretty much a wash, I’m afraid.

I’ve been working like mad on the Big Project, which had a bit of a setback this week, but after sitting on the floor in the middle of the room in my underwear, crying my eyes out for about 30 minutes, then taking a hot bath (there’s seriously something about steam and inspiration), putting some pants back on, then forming a new plan, all is well, and better than ever. Sometimes that cry just needs to happen first. :)

I re-read this GREAT article on staying motivated, and was especially struck by this item: Retreat, but Don’t Surrender. Sometimes projects have problems. Perhaps a retreat, a re-group, a re-formulation of plan is in order. Sometimes I don’t recognize this until I’m already sitting there on the floor in the middle of the room in my underwear. But coming back to a problem with another solution (perhaps after a hot bath, and with pants on) is an approach that has worked for me in the past, and worked again. Removing myself from my 4-inches-away view of the problem, even physically removing myself to re-evaluate really helps, too.

What problem-solving techniques do you find work for you? Are you good at recognizing the need to retreat sometimes, so that you end up less often in the middle of the floor? Am I just a total stress case and therefore the only one who ends up like this sometimes? (let’s not answer that one…) Do you have a sure-fire coping strategy?

Comments

[sara]

I have been following your blog for some time now and learning a lot... mostly I love your honesty about yourself, your feelings and your life. It makes me feel like it's ok if I sit in the middle of the floor and cry for awhile :)

On a completely different note... I love your photographs so much. Is there an action you typically run on your photos, like the one on the porch? I have an ok camera, but I never have photos with that kind of impact. Thanks for any advice...

[michelle]

Jessica,

I just wanted to say hang tight and go to bed!!! I think you're fabulous.

[kelley mickus]

First - thanks for all of the great tutorials and inspiration! Beleive it or not, just knowing that you get frustrated too is kind of inspirational - makes it all seem a little more doable. This might sound weird, but cleaning usually clears my head and makes me feel better about everything - although from the looks of my house you wouldn't know it! Thanks again, and keep doing what you're doing!

[Tori]

I like to lose myself in a book, preferably fiction. No textbooks or manuals. ;) Reading can be a coping mechanism...helps you focus elsewhere for awhile. Reading in a hot bath? Even better! (but I hate when the pages get wet) Reading in your underwear? I suppose that would depend on where you are when you are reading. :)

Just remember to breathe in...then breathe out. ;)

[scrapinthyme]

Music........ smooths the soul from the inside out!!! don't know who said that but it works for me.... xxx Sit in the semi-dark with it playing softly.... takes the mind off everything around you...

[jamie]

Ahhh! How I can relate to a break-down-stressful-let down. Mine happened tonight and I knew it was coming and didn't do what I needed to in order to avoid the emotional blubbering...I needed to get out of my house alone and find a good cup of coffee and a pretty shop or scrap store to lose my self in. We home-educate and it has been non-stop for six weeks now...not to mention all the other extra-cirricular meetings and programs we are apart of (and somehow I have become the coordinator of more than one). So if I don't get alone time or good creating time in...well, the river of fretful tears come flowing...thanks for your honesty. You helped me to remember I am not alone in attempting to be 'every woman'.

[Monique]

Sleep is the thing that helps me most; things always seem so much better in the daylight. The problem is actually getting to sleep when all the problems are still running around in your head....
Glad things are on the up for you, and thanks for another PSF!

[LivE]

Jess, reading about your cryfest eerily reminded me of someone I know very well--me. I don't cry often (once in a blue moon?) but when I do, I bawl, and then I crawl into the bathroom, turn on the shower, and let it all out. There's something entirely soothing about water falling all over you, not just from your eyes. And like baptism, your soul feels refreshed and all new again. Mmmmm. I also find I write my best poetry when I'm down in the dumps (so for that reason I don't show anyone what I write... too unlike the usual laughing, silly me). And the best fix often for me? Talking with my husband. There's an often-overlooked advantage in having a soulmate give you the bigger picture when your peering at a problem with your nose smashed against the glass. :D Glad to know your setback has turned into a stepforward, and you know I'm here if there's anything I can do for you. ;)

[Steph]

That was totally me on Thursday. Crying half the day, totally overwhelmed and scared of failure and a 2-hour long phone call with a great friend was the trick for me! Good luck to you on finishing the project - I just know it's going to be fabulous!

[Magpie]

Actually, Jessica, I think it's great that you knew when to step off and take that hot steamy bath. Personally, I never seem to recognize that it's time to stop pressing, when really a good hour-long break from a project would sometimes be just the thing to calm me down and get me focused on how best to move forward. If I didn't have my husband around to be the voice of reason sometimes ("now Jan, you're doing it again and you don't even realize it; make your expectations more realistic and you'll be happier," etc.), I don't know where I'd be!

[AnneMarieZ]

a shower.. always does me good.. and then I keep a pad of paper and pen to reach out - dripping wet- to write down my idea that will solve a problem, put off a problem... or switch gears until I can even think of the dilema! lol!

and hey, you got the kids to look at you!!! my kids.. I cannot get all 3 to look at me.. this is really tough!!!

[Melanie]

Like someone above mentioned, seeing you needing a cryfest is reassuring for all of us others out there. And yeah, sounds weird, but you see, I sort of see you as an 'icon' in the scrapping/creativity world. You work with a great magazine, you are PUBLISHED - but your life isn't perfect. So that makes OURS more bear-able. I am glad it worked out in the end. And no, I don't have any coping mechanism - except I usually end up snapping at hubby and kids and once I did storm out of the house and just drove for a while ... but that isn't something you can do often (enough, lol).
Hang tight, soon the project will wrap itself up, and I for one can't WAIt to see/hear what it is!!!

[Barb]

Jessica, maybe I am rationalizing, but I really believe that being vulnerable emotionally, allows you to experience a wider range of highs and lows in life. I used to beat myself up for getting emotional; with time, I have learned that often times those low moments help move me to a place of greater creativity, initimacy and self acceptance. It is where most of our growth as adults happen. You are truly a fabulous person, and I think your graceful retreat to the steamy shower was clearly the right thing at that moment. XOXO Barb

[Molly]

Hey, Jess-
I cry when I see myself in my underwear, so I tend to stay clothed :)

Humor, good comedy flicks, and a drive/walk along the lake are what make me happy.

I was recently sent an email, and it really hit home about valuing what is really important. Ok, here's the basic idea:
Name the last five Heisman Trophy winners. Name the last five OscarBest Actor/tress Winners, and so on.

Now, Name five people who have positively influenced your life. Name five people who make you laugh, and so on.

You see? Your family is what is important. Don't let the BIG PROJECT become TOO important.

[Karen (Karooch)]

Never underestimate the value of carefully used bribery, I always say. When not abuseed, it is a powerful tool in every parents toolkit (I was going to say 'arsenal' but I thought that might not be the best term to use).

I like the concept of Retreat and Regroup. It's sort of like letting something lie and 'sleeping on it' and then revisiting it the next day with refreshed eyes. I always find that technique helpful.Especially when I'm wrestling with blog articles that just won't come together.

[Share :)]

I'm surprised no one really mentioned retail therapy...I guess that's a personal fave for coping for me. There's just something about a new pair of shoes, or a beautiful yard (or two) of fabric that seems to turn my mood back to positive and productive.

Hugs for you my sweet friend!

[jo]

Prayer always works for me.
Jessica, you're such a big-hearted person, and you are doing big things that many of us can only imagine, so it follows that the setbacks tend to be bigger than what others encounter. But it's all part of the process, and see -- you made it work.
Way to go!!!

[Luann]

Ahhh I had a morning that had me crying about something very silly. Man I hate when the small stuff seems so big. I unplug by walking (used to drive sear hubby crazy I would tell him put the conversation on hold until I walk and think about it.)

I also love a long bath witha good book, or staring at the sky and taking deep breaths.

Remember this to shall pass.

[cynthia]

everyone needs a good cry once in awhile! i sure do...

isn't it fun and WORTH IT when you capture that shot ??

keep sharing your stuff...i really do enjoy it all!

[grambie]

Love that so sweet photoshot of your two dearlings. They are so much alike that there is no doubt that they are siblings. So cute in their demeanor and that arm hug is just too cute.

Our emotions are ways that we express ourselves and it is okay to let it all out. If not, then you have all kinds of negative imprints stored which can only fester and grow. So keep your eye on the prize, you will persevere. Your talent have moved mountains. Look at what you have accomplished from just one year ago. You are blessed and these small obstacles are always eliminated. After the cry, I know you felt so much better and ready to take on your next task. He will not give us more than we can bear. But it is how we bear the problem that counts. So have that cry whenever it is needed. It is just your love showing. HUGS!!!