One for Sunday.

I have been incredibly busy and not very bloggity lately. Mostly because of the aforementioned busi-ness. I’ve been a bit lax with a lot of things as the crunch of just getting things DONE has kind of overwhelmed a lot of other things. I feel the tide turning today, though, in a few ways, and I’m grateful for that. I feel a little like I’ve been swimming like crazy just to stay afloat, and now I can finally touch the shore again and start to walk. :)

I had an experience today, that confirmed for me something that I have wondered, in my depth of heart, a few times in the past few months - did God still remember me? Did He see me way down here? I don’t know if you’ve ever had that experience before, when you’re in pain, or in doubt, or really needing an answer. It’s a small and a lonely feeling, though.

I’ve been struggling to do what I know is right, and feeling sort of adrift in the universe, and sometimes I’ve honestly wondered, why doesn’t the Lord, who notices the sparrows fall, notice me? Why is this happening?

And it often happens, when I stop thrashing around, that I’m able to hear a little better, when I get the whisper in my ear that says, “This is for YOU.” And I just want to put out there, that today I know that God knows my name. And He knows yours.

I hope your Sunday was blessed and restful. And I will blog more often now. Feet in the sand, and not paddling for dear life against the current. :)

Comments

[Michael Ann]

I know exactly how you feel. Well said.

[tashaerin]

Thank you for sharing this. I too sometimes wonder. So grateful that you felt His love for you today. What a wonderful blessing and oh so wonderful that you documented it for the future! I'm teaching RS in my ward next week on Pres. Eyring's talk from Oct. Conf. "O, Remember, Remember". Check it out on your walk (or run) in the sand! : )

[dawns]

Thank you...for everything you are and for everything that you do. We love you (and He does too) and always will.

[Naomi]

There are times when we all feel those small, lonely feelings and secretly wonder "Does God remember me?" For me it's often during an extremely busy time when I feel as if I'm lost in the crowd. I feel as if - even though I'm surrounded by people & positively enteracting- somehow I seem to remain annonimous - a stranger in a stange land. With these feelings, I have a stong need to be known and understood.

For me it feels like a longing that won't rest. And yet, I think (for me) it is more of a remembering. Rememberance of the heavenly existance, with heavenly parents and a heavenly home which I've left behind - and miss. It is a desire to rest from my trails, a desire to return home once again . . . a desire to honor more fully that fact that I am a spiritual being. Finally, it's feels like I am deliriously tired and want reassurance; I want a moment to pause and "be" who we really are and to know that I am fully serving my purpose here on earth.

During this deeply reflective time; nothing is easy. Dear Jessica, endure!! Open yourself to those around you, who want to share your burden and want you to know of their love and concern for you! You will be glad for the journey - all the pieces will come together, perhaps not today but somewhere along the way. God is in the small, he uses small (things) for great purposes.

[Barb]

Thanks for sharing this Jessica. For a long time, I felt very alone and unable to express these sorts of doubts. Last night, I was playing a game with friens that asked the question ( of me to share with the group) "How have your feelings about God and religion changed over time?" Talk about a flood of emotion. It was nice to think about it, reflect and share with my friends.

You are truly a gift from God to so many of us Jessica, so I know for sure, that God knows about you and is working through you. Over the last few years, my faith has changed alot, and I have to say it really emerged much stronger, after I allowed some of the confusion and doubts to surface, to think about them and pray and seek to understand God's ways in a broader context than I had previously understood. Good luck on your spiritual journey and thanks again for everything you do for us!

Barb ( mommydoc)

[Allison K]

The Lord is merciful in helping each of us individually. A beautiful reminder thank you.

[Lee]

Hi -
Sometimes it's like all those variations on the "Footprints" poem.
Take good care...
- Lee

[Cheryl]

Thank you for your note. What a special gift God gave you today-it is after all Passover. He is doing what He does best-protecting us, saving us, keeping us safe-and keeping us close.
From a fellow journeyer.

[Amy So.]

(I read your blog all the time, but don't comment very often. This post has brought me out of the blogosphere woodwork.) I just had to say that I have felt that way, too, but you stated it very eloquently---I have felt often that my name has been forgotten, but haven't put it in those words. Thank you for sharing this. I needed to be reminded.

[LivE]

Oh, my dearest friend (((hugs))). God knows your name, of that I am absolutely sure! From the moment you were conceived He held you in the palm of His hand, and He continues to hold you close to His heart always. You are His daughter, and He is your loving Father...think of Jared and Rowen, and you get a little glimpse of just how much affection He has for you ;). He never forgets us, even if sometimes in our busy-ness, we may forget Him. :) We just need to look up in the midst of this ordinary life we're trying to live as best as we can, and say to Him "This, all this, is for YOU." :)

I celebrate with you and share your joy in hearing Him whisper in your ear today. And know that you are always, always in our hearts as well... even at your loneliest times, we are here for you, loving you and appreciating you!

Have a great day, dearest, dearest Jes!!!

[lauriewe]

I know exactly what you are talking about- I'm there now, thanks for the reminder!

[Nisa]

I just love you.
that is all.
and also, thank you.
for that thought...of being remembered.
cuz I've been wondering lately, too.
so maybe I'll be quiet and listen.
*n

[Lycia]

I can certainly identify with how you have been feeling...I think everyone goes through that at one time or another, but some of us go through it more often :). Glad that things are better. You are special to us, and you are even more special to God.

[jen]

thanks, i needed that today.

[Cindy]

Hi!
I agree! I think we all feel this way from time to time! But you are right - he knows us and always will!
How could we manage without him!!!

Have a great day!

[Jenny]

What a great post. So timely for my life as well. The great news is, He is always watching, listening, looking out for us!

Glad the tide has turned for you!
J

[Marcia Bettich]

WOW Jessica, I could never state it as well as you - but I EXACTLY know that feeling! I wish on many days that I had a deeper well of faith to deal with those sorts of feelings! Thanks for your uplifting message. It brought me a little inner peace as I too have been really struggling lately. Thanks again from the bottom of my heart - have a wonderful day :))

[Melanie]

Jessica, you did state my feelings down to a "T" (yes, remember I am from NC! lol!) I feel so pushed and pulled all the time (full time job which is getting increasingly stressful, 7 months pregnant with 3rd child, a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a 40 year old - oops that would be husband! and a 7 month old puppy) I sit in church (when I can motivate myself to go) and KNOW I should hand off my worries to Him. Let Him decide and guide me - but I never stop long enough for Him to get a hold of my hand to help lead me into calmer waters - or onto the sand.
Your post reminds me of my all time favorite poem - Footprints - maybe I should plaster that on all walls that I look at all day long. But then again, that would probably be against our compnay policy ... sorry ... but that is a huge issue with me - but that is another discussion for another time, huh? Keep your chin up - breathe the wonderful salt air and feel the sand squish between your toes - I will try to catch up with you!

[Dee]

oh, jessica . . . life seems to stay so busy & fragmented that we all struggle with this from time to time! on the first page of all my journals, i write the following (got it from a book of devotionals a long time ago):

"if you aren't hearing the voice of God, maybe your life is too noisy. be quiet for a few moments so you can hear Him speaking to you."

[Lezlie]

thank you for that. after a long hard day, I really needed to hear that. :)

[Irene Gonzalez]

Muchas Gracias Jessica, for sharing that... You are a great blessing to all of us. Thanks.

[Christyne]

Thank you Jessica...I needed this today. (((HUGS)))

[shell]

He knows our name, our every thought! i feel small and insignificant and confused at times....but He always pulls me back in. This life is weird sometimes...like you get to thinking too much about what it's all about!!!! One of my favorites....."Be still and know that I am God" Reminds me to be silent and LISTEN. hope all is well. bless you and your family...shell

[Becky]

Wonderful thoughts! Our stake conference was on this very subject this past weekend. Check out D&C 98:1-3 - a gem I hadn't seen before.
You do a lot of good for a lot of us. Thanks!