Day 1.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009 at 09:38PM So, we are two days in, and by far the hardest two things have been a) getting up earlier than usual - everyone has to be out the door by 7:30 and b) starting up every few seconds to look around for where Rowen went, and then remembering with a little pang, oh, she isn’t here.
She did pause for a few pictures yesterday morning. In the rain, no less, before heading out to the car. (Our school has a fairly stringent no-parents-sobbing-in-the-doorway policy, so you can only drop a kid off except in extenuating circumstances).
Here is a girl ready to take on the world.
Oh little-big girl. So beautiful on your first day of one of the Great Adventures of life. I am full to overflowing with pride (look at this person! this being of grace and intelligence and laughter and spirit!) and wonder (how did you get to be so big all of a sudden? you are the most beautiful creature I can possibly imagine) and anxiety (are you ready for this? have I prepared you enough? will this school experience be what it should be?), and I wipe a few tears, because what else does a mother have but a heart has expanded wide as the universe, and can’t be contained, and so it flows out her eyes?
And now, having held you cupped in my two hands for so long - having had you almost literally all to myself for these your years, I feel a rush of hope - tinged with, what is that? sorrow? which sounds like the wind through new leaves as I lift and open my arms, and watch you fly…
Alright, so everyone I have looked at or talked to for a week has given me that consolatory look - that mourning-with-gladness look that EVERY SINGLE MOTHER has who has sent a kid to kindergarten. I think you must learn how to give that look as part of the first day’s rites of passage.)
And here - my last view of her was rounding the corner of the house to ride with Jared:
p.s. I made those pigtails. Pretty proud of that.
As for her?
She climbed into the car at 3:10 yesterday and I said, “How was your day in kindergarten?”
She sat down in her chair with a supremely satisfied look on her face, and said, “It was pretty much awesome.”
Yeah, sweet girl. I knew you’d love it. It’s ME that we need to fix up. :)
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Reader Comments (26)
Then there will be 1st grade, oh my, and , well, you get the picture. I love that photo of Rowen jumping off the porch which came right after your words, watch her fly! Did she just jump on her own or did you prompt her? Either way, it's just an awesome photo! I'm sure all of these will be in a LO soon! I hope all of you enjoy every day of such a special milestone year with Rowen! (((HUGS))) Jana
I love her first day photos. Those pigtails are great. I know how hard a pigtail can be.
you are right--it is us mommies that have the toughest time watching them fly!
After pacing around all day worrying about how my little boy's first day went, I anxiously drove my car to the pickup line where I saw my little boy burst into tears. Drat. I knew something was gonna go wrong. I break the pickup line rules and run out of my car, tenderly scoop him up and ask, "What happened? Are you okay?"
"Well, mommy, it's just that I thought I was gonna get to ride the big yellow school bus!"
But every other day after that was totally rockin' awesome. Especially after he got to ride the bus next year and decided it wasn't all it was cracked up to be...LOL!
Keep your kleenexes handy. and keep snappin' those pics!
You know what? There's my journaling. ;)
To this day as she approaches those teen years (she is 12 now) I still have one of those moments every year. I don't know if it gets easier, or we just adapt to the inevitable.
Next Tuesday will be my day to send my precious bundle of joy out into the big world for kindergarten, too. I'm trying to be calm and upbeat about it with her, but I know I will cry after the bus drives down the road. I'm almost crying just thinking about it now.
I have had this experience three times and the feelings are always still the same. I also found sending my oldest to highschool for the first time tugged at those same heartstrings.
So glad to hear that Rowen thinks school is awesome, my hopes that she still feels the same way every year.
That will be me next week, and even though the oldest two are headed to 2nd grade and 4th grade (which pulls at my heartstrings in so many ways as it is), it won't make the whole kindergarten thing any easier. Thankfully it's only half days in the afternoon...but I'll be hopping into the van after he gets on the bus and driving over to school to get pictures of his first day. Won't stay too long, but I have to have pix of him there and not just the ones I take at home before he goes. Besides, I'm on the yearbook committee. I have to be there to take pictures, right? ;)
And meanwhile our youngest will start a couple mornings of preschool a week. That will be interesting...for both of us. And then fast forward a few years...who planned this? When our youngest starts kindergarten, our oldest will be starting middle school. Sheesh! I think I need to start stocking up on kleenex for that one now! Double whammy.
Hugs to you as you navigate this bittersweet time of year.
My granddaughter enters 1st grade this year, so I am close, though one lifetime removed, from where you stand. And even a grandmother has anxiety how "her baby" will fare in the world. Keep in mind that this is but your beginning of saying goodbye ... so enjoy every day (as I know that you do). You will blink twice and she will be headed to middle school and blink once again and she'll be in high school and driving :). Every stage is a present and an opportunity to teach her how the world works and how to be within that world. Mom's role is to hold tightly enough so she knows that she is loved but to let her make her way as she chooses. Rowen will be powerful ... she comes from a base of love! Good luck!! And who is scrapping YOUR firsts? First Parent/Teacher Conference? First time working the Ice Cream Social ? I cried when my daughter went to her first Back To School night! :)
Betty
http://mortgagecalculato-r.com
"....because what else does a mother have but a heart has expanded wide as the universe, and can’t be contained, and so it flows out her eyes?"
wonderful use of the written word in this post, my friend. wonderful.
I now have an "official quote" with an author's byline tucked neatly underneatth - thanks Jess, what a lovely phrase! What a great page will go with it!